Ten years ago yesterday my world changed. One of my closest friends was in a life threatening car accident. After lying in ICU for four days, she went to be with Jesus.
One moment.
One car.
One tree.
One girl.
They say the first year after losing someone is the hardest, but I’m not so sure about that.
Because ten years later it still keeps me up at night.
Because ten years later I still wonder what happened.
Because ten years later I still wish I could just talk to her.
It’s not easier.
Some days it aches even more.
We were so young.
And there was so much left.
Friends we choose. We can choose not to speak to someone we don’t like. And when another flatters us we can choose to pull them close. The term “friend” is used so loosely nowadays. It can mean an online acquaintance or a girl we set next to in English class. But then we use the same word for ones with whom we connect with deeply, those we bare our soul to. I wish there were another word.
Amy was more than a casual acquaintance. Amy was a friend through it all- the good, the bad, and the ugly (can you say Junior High?). She liked me for who I was, not what she wanted me to be. She listened when it didn’t matter- and made me believe it did. Amy saw me at my worst and she saw me at my best…for a little while at least.
But now she’s gone.
No longer here to talk to.
No longer here to laugh with.
And it sucks.
But it’s okay.
Two days after Amy passed away I walked down the aisle and said “I do” to Filipe. Instead of watching from the stage, Amy watched from above.
I’ll never understand why.
But despite the questions, despite the confusion, God has used this tragedy more than anything else in my life thus far to reveal himself to me.
Having to experience such deep grief and incredible joy in the same week was something I didn’t sign up for. I don’t know why it happened the way it did, but I choose to trust.
I choose to believe that God is working it all out.
Because Jesus makes it okay.
Yesterday we also celebrated Easter- the day Jesus rose from the dead proving that in fact He was/is God. He is alive. He is with us.
He gives us hope for the future.
He makes life worth living.
And He is making all things new.
As much as I miss Amy, I know she’s okay.
Because she is Home.
She’s with Him.
And one day I’ll see her again.
One day we’ll laugh together like we once did.
Eternity looks oh so much sweeter now.
Huntington Beach, CA 1997
Bridal Portraits by Meredith Berlinsky
On March 8th, 2003 (my 23rd birthday) Amy & I took our bridal portraits together.
One of our last moments together.
Mandy