Lately I’ve been doing a study called No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. It has been an incredible study and great for where I currently am spiritually and in life.
Something I’ve been struggling with as a new mom is the need to control my girls and the things they do and don’t do. I think I do for this out of fear that something bad might happen. There are stories everyday of bad things happening to children and I’m sure that contributes to the reality of dangers lurking around every corner.
Yesterday, I studied the story of Hannah in I Samuel 1. Hannah was a barren woman who deeply desired children, and she was in anguish over her inability to conceive. I Samuel 1:6 says, “…the Lord had closed her womb.” SO, Hannah’s problem and pain came from something God had done. The Bible doesn’t say she did anything to “deserve” it, but that God had made her this way.
We often live with this mentality- If I’m completely in the center of God’s will, I’ll never experience pain or heartache or problems. I would never say that to someone and I don’t really believe it, BUT my actions are another thing…especially when it comes to my children. The other day Lily fell and though it was just a small scratch, my first thought was- “what did I do wrong?” Whenever adversity comes our way I think our first thoughts are often either “what did I do wrong?” or “why is Satan attacking me?” The thought that God may have caused it doesn’t usually cross our mind.
Pain and difficulties are never fun, but I know that God has my best interest at heart. I would much rather experience pain that comes from God rather than because of my own doing. If I’m doing everything I can to please God and still experience pain, there’s NOTHING I can do to escape it no matter how much I want to control the outcome. Strangely enough this gives me great freedom. Freedom to enjoy life and not worry. Freedom to take more risk. Freedom just to know that God is control of my life.
For Hannah, eventually God allowed her to conceive and she gave birth to a son, Samuel. God used this “problem” for a greater purpose despite the pain that it caused Hannah. I guess you could say pain on purpose, but for a greater good! My prayer to God is, “use me in spite of the pain it may cause”.