This page sat open for over a week on a tab of my computer. It screams at me to “add new post”. I want to, oh how I want to. But every time I clicked on it I just sat and stared. Blank. I would suddenly remember something else, something more important, on my to-do list and let the distraction whisk me away. Soon, I promised myself. I’ll share soon.
I am so overwhelmed by what God is doing in our family right now and finding the right words feels has felt daunting. But I don’t want to forget these thoughts. I don’t want to forget these feelings.
Basically, it all boils down to this one clear realization this week. God really wants THESE two boys adopted…and He wants US to adopt them. God has chosen them for our family and God has chosen our family for them at such a time as this.
There have been so many things that could have or should have delayed or stopped this adoption from happening, and it didn’t. And not simple things either. I’m talking major government agencies bending and working with us to get the right documentation at the right time (without any added fees). I feel like I’ve experienced more favor from God in the last two weeks than one person deserves in a lifetime.
I’m humbled every time and thank God for another obstacle removed, another door opened.
And God whispers back to me, “This is grace”.
I know, intellectually, what grace is. I’ve read and studied about it a lot over the last couple of years. I’ve learn to recognize God’s grace in the past and see it in someone else’s life. But this is something else. It has overwhelmed my soul almost more than I can bear. I don’t deserve this. I’ve done nothing to earn this. This is grace.
Some dreams come from ourselves- our personality and experiences play into those. But some dreams are put there by God. They may not sound like a dream at first, but if we keep seeking God, our hearts become more aligned with His, and they become our dreams too.
Because I’m a stay-at-home mom, most people are surprised when I say it’s not what I ever pictured for myself. (Just having kids was a big deal.) It definitely was not my dream job. Being a stay-at-home mom is something God has called me to do- an act of obedience, and knowing that helps me do it joyfully (most of the time). I still don’t always feel like the “mom” type. I often feel like my personality isn’t nurturing enough or creative enough. But I push through and God’s grace reminds me that I’m enough. He made me exactly like He did for a reason. I’m learning to stop apologizing for it.
Adoption feels similar in that it’s something God’s asked us to do. While it is something Filipe and I talked about for many years prior, talking about it is a whole lot different than doing it. We are not adopting because we need more kids. We are not adopting because we’re confident in our parenting. We are adopting because God has asked us to. Each step is a step of obedience. Some are giant steps of joy. Some are trembling steps of fear. I am as excited as I am scared. We don’t have a clue what we’re doing. I have no idea how to parent two boys that have experienced more brokenness in the first nine and ten years of their life than I’ll ever know in my lifetime.
But I believe God will help us do it. He’s called us to do this and He will give us the grace and wisdom to do it. I don’t think it will be easy. I told Filipe this will be one of the hardest years of our life. Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. Either way, God is working this out and He will be right there with us.
Last weekend we booked our international plane tickets- our whole family will be flying to Brazil on October 16th, returning December 4th. We will have a considerable amount of travel while in Brazil. Once we get there we will take three additional in-country flights (12 round-trip tickets & 9 one-way tickets). Needless to say we have lots of details to work out and lots of kids. Fun stuff.
This final stage is- talking to the boys. They still do not know about us. Now that the social worker there in Brazil has all of our paperwork confirmed, she will go and share with them the news and help them process what’s about to happen. We filmed a video of our family and sent cards, pictures. The social worker will hopefully get them this week and share the news with the boys next week. Please pray for them with us. Pray that their hearts would receive the news well and that their transition will be as smooth as it can be given their circumstances.