This “secret” applies to many areas and positions, but for the sake of context I will apply it to motherhood in this post. Feel free to modify where necessary.
Ok moms,
We all do it even though we know it’s wrong.
We compare.
We compare how we’re doing as a mom against the other moms around us (physically and/or virtually).
We think,
“I’m doing pretty good- I can manage all three kids at Target as I check-off everything on the list (with a coupon for each item no less), and have the sanity to stroll over to Starbucks on the way out”. As we head for the door, we catch a glimpse of another mom in the check-out line- that one with the screaming child who is throwing a fit, and walk out, patting ourselves on the back saying, “good job, good job”.
Or we find ourselves asking,
“How in the world does she handle five kids, I can barely handle one- and I have a nanny half of the day!”. Then we slip into depression and allow condemnation to wash over us.
Here’s a little tip for you if you’ve been in either one of those scenarios (maybe both in one day.)
Whenever you start to compare yourself against another mom just remember the word…
CAPACITY.
We all have different levels of capacity, all in different areas. For me to look at you and expect you to have the capacity to do what I’m called to do is unfair to you. And for me to look at another and expect myself to have the same capacity as they do is setting myself up for failure.
Capacity is based on so many factors:
- Your spouse- his career and/or calling.
- Your career, and your calling.
- Extended family- how much outside support you have.
- Living situation- City life is different from suburban life which is different from country life.
- Finances- your income affects your ability to provide, and level of dependency.
- Your kids- some kids are very compliant, some are not. This changes capacity dynamics.
So moms out there, let’s not judge another mom’s capacity based on our own. And let’s not condemn ourselves for another. Let’s encourage one another, build up one another, and HELP each other out.
It’s okay for you not be able to do everything she does.
and
It’s okay for her not to be able to do everything you do.
On this blog (or twitter or facebook), I don’t ever want a reader to feel like what I suggest or share are things I expect everyone to do. They are only meant to give you ideas, and to encourage and inspire you in whatever capacity you are currently in.
I hope you read this and feel a little more freedom to be the you God has called you to be. The you your husband needs. The you your kids need. That’s what matters more than trying to impress the other moms at Target.
A few things I’ve been doing as of late:
1. Adoring Bonhoeffer
I’m fascinated by this man- who he was, how he lived, what he became. I even feel a bit of jealousy in how he pursued academia, and how he was relentless in his pursuit of God, the church, and truth. Kinda makes me want to go back to school again. Kinda.
2. Learning my craft
Right now it takes me large quantities of time to write a little substance. I’m hoping one day that will flip and I will be able to write large quantities of substance in relatively short time. I’m learning that I’m not in a sprint, but more like a marathon. This is gonna take a while, and I’m determined to see it through every step of the way.
3. Focusing on Goals
This week I removed my facebook app on my phone and turned off twitter updates. I’m cutting out distractions that aren’t taking me further along in my goals. It doesn’t mean they are bad or wrong. I might turn them back on again, but for today, for now, they’re off. Forgive me if I’m a little out of the loop.
4. Studying the Word
Have you ever read the Bible through the eyes or mind of the writer? I started doing that last week as I began the James: Mercy Triumphs
That’s what I’m doing. How about you?
We are all known for something.
It may be…
what we’re for.
what we’re against.
our cynicism.
our sarcasm.
that thing we did wrong.
that thing we did right.
how we judge.
how we’ve been judged.
God tells those of us who are Christ followers, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”. (Jn 13:35 NLT)
God didn’t just throw out the “L” word and hope we would figure it out. He gave us an entire chapter of the Bible dedicated to what the word love means.
I Corinthians 13
There’s a great practice my husband taught me years ago. Whenever I want to see how I’m doing in the area of love is take I Cor. 13:4-7 and replace love with my name. When I do, would it be a true statement or far from it? It’s easy to say we love, but it’s a little more difficult to say we are patient, or say we don’t boast.
Try it out for yourself. In the blank insert your name.
___________ is patient.
___________ is kind.
___________ does not envy.
___________ does not boast.
___________ is not proud.
___________ is not rude.
___________ is not self-seeking.
___________ is not easily angered.
___________ keeps no record of wrongs.
___________ does not delight in evil.
___________ rejoices with the truth.
___________ always protects,
___________ always trusts,
___________ always hopes,
___________ always perseveres.
How would you rate yourself?
What are you known for?
Today is “Fun Friday” and while I had something completely different to share (that was fun!), it can wait. This is hilarious- mostly because it’s pretty right on. Considering Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, these conversations are likely in full swing.
In the pursuits of our dreams, disappointments come. It’s usually not a matter of if, but when. And when they do, we can do one of two things:
Let it stop us.
Let it fuel us.
Those living their dreams didn’t get there because they didn’t have to pray hard, work hard, or fight hard. They got there because they kept going.
They didn’t give up.
They were persistent.
Andy Andrews was turned down by fifty-one publishers before Thomas Nelson picked up The Traveler’s Gift
Last week I received some disappointing news. Not tragic, just disappointing. It wasn’t even all that big of a deal (for the average person or specifically the average published writer), but for me it was. Upon hearing the news I felt sad, but it helped me recognize what’s most important and question whether this dream is something I really believe in.
This disappointment just added another spark to the fire, and I feel more excited than ever to continue pursuing this dream inside of me. I have no idea what the path will look like or where it will take me, but I’m committing myself to the process and not letting disappointments hold me back.
How is 2012 treating you so far?
Now that you’ve had a month to adjust (I still find myself writing 2011 in my journals and keep crossing it out.), give yourself permission to work on the things that are most important in your life. For married couples, might that be your intimacy with your spouse?
When Filipe and I were married we committed to grow in our love. We didn’t want the most exciting, most passionate moments to be from our honeymoon. We wanted to be resemble a good wine- get better with age. I must admit I haven’t always done this well. It’s easy to think that everything is fine, and let life consume your heart and mind and you wake up and realize you’ve drifted.
Sometime you need to take some time and refocus and readjust your priorities. How about using this Valentines Day to do that this year? Let this year be the best year of your marriage yet.
Here are some great resources to get you started (or great gift ideas!).
(Click on the image for more info.)
Last Tuesday, Pastor Andy took the South Bay staff on a Vision Day tour of the Bay Area. The purpose was to remind the staff of our vision and mission here in Silicon Valley. There are so many facets of our city, and every time I’m reminded of them, I remember why we moved here and why we risked everything for the sake of seeing this region of the country transformed with the Gospel.
While I couldn’t personally go on the vision day tour, Filipe did a great job of tweeting pictures from each of the stops along the way. In case you missed them, here they are.
Filipe testing a Google bike.
Many of our neighbors are Sikh’s- often mistaken for Muslim’s, but they aren’t. Filipe told our neighbor that he visited his temple and he was really confused and impressed. We pray for opportunities to share the Gospel with him and his family. Maybe this will open the door further.
Proverbs 29:18 in the King James Version says,
“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”
The Message says it like this,
“If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.”
I love to stop and take notice of all God is doing around us, whenever I do, it’s pretty incredible.
We celebrated Efraim’s 2nd birthday with a small family party last Saturday. Somehow even a small party results in me spending the ENTIRE day in the kitchen prepping and cooking. It still baffles my mind.
Here’s a few pics of our Elmo & Cookie Monster themed party. Those are Efraim’s favorite characters. He walks around with the little figurines in his hand practically all day. The other night I let sleep with them, and when Filipe checked on him before going to bed, he had them laying on his pillow beside him.
Here’s a few pics from Saturday. (Sorry, we’ve had internet issues all week, so no time for editing.)
When he saw the cupcakes & shouted, “Elwo!”, I was happy.
There are learning opportunities all around us, it’s just a matter of us recognizing them. As long as I don’t try and be the expert all the time and act like I know more than I do, and when I’m open to learning from anyone, there’s no shortage of things I learn and grow in.
Some people I learn from:
A Writer: Jeff Goins
An Agent: Rachel Gardner
A Creative: Sarah Cunningham
A Thought Leader: Seth Godin
A Preacher Chick: Christine Caine
Even my daughter’s Kindergarten teacher (sorry she doesn’t have a link).
During our first parent-teacher conference last fall, I sat listening to her explain to Filipe and I the concepts she was implementing in her class- specifically how to tell a story. My first thought was, what great info. I need to apply that to my writing! I realized that day that I could grow in my writing even by applying basic kindergarten principles. It may seem silly, but how many of us remember the basics? (Those of us who aren’t teachers especially.)
Last week Rick Warren tweeted this:
Who are you learning from?
There are some days when life goes just the way you wanted or planned.
You get up when the alarm goes off.
You spend quality time connecting with God.
Your kids follow your every instruction.
You beat the traffic to work and get a jump-start on your day.
Then, there are others that are just stinkin hard. It feels like no matter what you do there is a fight to get anywhere or do anything.
I love James 1:2 in the Bible, “When trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for joy.” The last part isn’t the easiest to hear, but the first part is comforting because no matter who we are troubles will come our way. No one is exempt.
The variable is our response.
We can respond in one of two ways:
1. Defense
Like a good football, basketball, (insert favorite sporting event here), defense is necessary. But a team that spends an entire game in defense mode will never get a chance to score much less have a shot at winning the game.
2. Offense
In staying with the sports analogy, offense is the desirable position to be on. A team that stays on offense has a higher chance of scoring and a better chance of winning.
When life is hard or when difficulties come we can either respond defensively or offensively.
When life throws us a curve ball we can throw up our hands, protect ourselves, and get out of the situation as fast as possible.
OR
We can use the opportunity to learn something, look around and see how it might impact others, and let it drive us closer to God.
Defense may get us threw unscathed, but offense will bring us through victorious and with more confidence for the next trial that may be waiting around the corner.
Life is hard. Life hurts.
But I would much rather rise up and take it on than sit back and let it overtake me.
It may be harder. It may even be dangerous. It may mean I have to work- and work hard.
But my comfort doesn’t compare.
In Jesus we have everything we need to respond offensively and with great joy. When I think of it this way I get a little excited for the opportunity.
“Consider it an opportunity for joy.”
What difficulties are you facing today? How can you respond offensively?
