“So what do you do?”
The question makes me cringe. Depending on who I’m talking to will determine how I respond. Full-time mom is my go-to answer to a stranger or acquaintance. When coming from a friend or someone I’m willing to be more vulnerable around, I may tell them how I spend my days writing and pouring over study material as if it were my full-time job.
But no matter my answer, the question of what I do brings out my insecurities more than anything else. I stumble over my words in an attempt to quickly change the subject. I walk away wondering to myself if what I do is significant at all. Because whatever expectation people have of “full-time mom” I surely fail to live up to. I don’t do cute or creative or cuddly very well. And writers are quirky and weird and daydream their day away. That I do well.
The labels bother me. They make me uncomfortable. I feel diminished on both sides. And because of my distaste for them, they can keep me from doing what God called me to do by trying too hard to detach myself from them. Oh how I dream of a world free of labels. A world where our identity is not wrapped up in the doing, but rather the being.
While my discomfort with labels are a reflection of my own insecurity, there is a healthy side. And seeing it this way helps me lean into the discomfort and re-focus on what really matters.
You see, I am more than a full-time mom or a pastor’s wife. I am more than a writer and a Bible study group leader. What I do shouldn’t define me. I should be defined by who God says I am. What I do should flow out of who I am.
If who I am defines me then what I do can change. So, instead of getting caught up in what I do so much and worried about what someone thinks about a certain label, I just need to focus on who I’m becoming.
Who we are becoming will determine what we do.
If you’re becoming a parent, well then soon enough, you will be doing diapers- ready or not. If you’re becoming more faithful, then you will be ready and available for the next thing or person God puts in front of you. If you’re becoming more cynical, then you will have a whole bunch of reasons why the earth is evil and falling apart, and you should be afraid.
We can get so fixated on what we do that it becomes who we are. And that’s a dangerous place to be.
What would happen if our ability to do what we do was suddenly taken away?
Earlier this year I studied the book of Job…again. It’s one of those books I could read over and over and still be unable to comprehend what that man went through. In one day Job lost everything- ALL of his wealth, possessions, and his children.
Every single one of his kids- and their wives died together. Imagine that episode of This Is Us. We all cried when Jack died, but imagine if the rest of the family died instead (along with their wives/significant others) and Jack was left standing alone? Unimaginable.
In one day Job went from being the most famous man in the land to being poor, destitute, and forgotten. But, somehow this man clung to God despite his circumstances and what he was known for.
The words of Job 1:21 echo in my heart often. Job said, ‘”I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!”
Take away the label of what you do. Who are you? Focus on who you are becoming rather than what you do. What you do will flow out of who you are.
Try this: List 3-5 characteristics that define you that aren’t words you would fill-in under occupation on a form.
Who are you becoming?