Some days as a mom, the list of to-do’s can feel daunting. I make sure my kids are fed and clothed. I schedule dentist appointments and drive them to the places they need/want to go. And at the end of the day, I love doing it. After all, I am their mom.
But if I’m not careful, I can spend my whole week bending to the whims and desires of my kids, keeping them busy and entertained. And while they would love it if I spent my days at their beck and call, I’d feel like I’m spinning my wheels and not really going anywhere. And that’s no fun.
My role as mom is not to give my kids everything they want and think they deserve, my goal is to train my kids to be responsible, respectful adults who can contribute to the world around them. And that takes intentionality.
When a baby enters the world the parents do all of the heavy lifting- and they should- literally and figuratively. We carry them around and give them everything they need. But as those babies grow, they should start carrying their own weight. They start walking and talking. And as those toddlers and preschoolers grow, they learn how to communicate and contribute.
At every age and stage, our kids should experience new freedoms by taking on more responsibilities. I’m believing (because I’m not there yet) that when those two things go hand-in-hand, our kids will be ready to live and thrive on their own one day.
- If I want my college student to wake up and get to class or work on their own, then I probably shouldn’t be the one waking them up their senior year of high school.
- If I want my high school student to learn how to earn a buck, then I probably shouldn’t be handing them cash every time they want to go out with friends or the latest iPhone.
- If I want my middle school student to build good study habits and work ethic, then I probably shouldn’t allow them to play video games if they don’t turn in their homework.
- If I want my elementary school student to enjoy learning, then I should probably make sure they go to bed at a reasonable time and are eating healthy foods.
At the beginning of each school year, I think through areas I want each of my kids to grow in based on their own personalities, needs, and season. Then I try and arrange our home life around it- including responsibilities and privileges.
A few years ago as we were approaching middle school with our oldest, I decided elementary school is the cut-off time for me to make their lunch. So, with my carefully worded language, I made lunch-making both a privilege (you get to choose!) and a responsibility (if you are mature enough to make a good choice and manage your time well). Surprisingly, raising the bar of expectation has called them up to maturity and helped them become more responsible. It feels good to be responsible.
Expecting middle schoolers to make reasonably healthy lunch may seem like asking too much, but I think it’s possible. (Plus, I have friends with elementary school kids making lunch on their own.) Our family dynamics have affected this area, so it’s taken intentional work. My guidelines are: 1 protein, 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, then whatever else you might want that’s “reasonable”. (We’re still learning what reasonable means- three string cheeses and an entire sleeve of crackers was not a “reasonable” choice.)
This week as we get ready for school to start next week, I’ll be thinking through each area and and find ways to help all of my kids take a little bit more responsibility in each. This includes:
- Bedtime
- Morning routine
- Lunch & snack
- Homework/study habits
- Chores
- Activities & sports
When we’re all growing and learning, it helps us be more gracious with one another. When I’m not the one responsible to get it all done, I can be a better mom- I can be more loving and gracious because I’m not feeling used all day. After all, when all the members of a family contribute, we can all feel both needed and loved. And that does feel good.